Men Really Do Like Independent Women


David Mendez
Layout Editor
Illustration by: Cindy Montenegro

It started with a simple Facebook status (doesn’t it always?). A friend of mine posed the question “Do men like independent women?” I was the first to say “Very much so,” but I quickly found myself in the minority. Despite a few other guys agreeing with me, the overwhelming consensus was a resounding “No.” Interestingly, it was nearly entirely women who voiced this opinion for us males.

While I of course cannot speak for all men, I honestly think this is a big misunderstanding. Most men do like a strong, independent woman. I think the misunderstanding comes from different interpretations of how an “independent woman” acts and carries herself.

Based on my experiences, women tend to think that men are intimidated by someone who is non-submissive, straightforward and fits various other adjectives that are not compatible with traditional gender roles. While some men can be off put by the overly aggressive type, women should be not afraid to assert their independence.

Although the stigma behind the term “independent” may just be a matter of semantics, there are quite a few qualities of such a woman that men value.

First, an independent woman has her own life and her own routine.

A woman in a relationship should have more priorities than just her boyfriend. This could be work, school, a social life – anything that allows her to be her own person and have a life away from her boyfriend. This is important not just because it gives the guy more time to be with his friends (though it helps), but because it allows both parties to focus and give all their attention to each other when they do spend time with one another.

For example, my girlfriend and I attend different universities and we both did this on purpose. It may seem counter-intuitive to want to be apart from one another, but the reasoning is that we need to keep certain aspects of our life separate. Men tend to operate more on this principle than women do, but it does make sense. When you keep your worlds separate, you can give each one the focus and attention it deserves.

Next, an independent woman is her own person.

This may sound similar to the first point, but it functions differently. Such a trait is displayed more when you first meet a person but is applicable in a long-term relationship. Being your own person means being willing to stand up for yourself and have your own opinions. I often hear from female friends they may not enjoy or agree with certain things a boyfriend or potential suitor says, but they refuse to say anything because they don’t want to offend him and risk “scaring him away.”

I will be the first to say that I love it when my girlfriend challenges me on topics we both care about. This does not mean she is contrary just for the sake of doing so, rather, it means she’s comfortable with voicing her own opinion.

This extends to more than just conversation.

Being independent means that a woman will not do something just because she thinks it will “make him happy” or that she fears doing something out of what her partner will think. Men may not always agree with something a woman does, just as a woman may not always agree with what we do. The point is that someone who is their own person is more interesting. They engage and challenge us in a multitude of ways.

Men enjoy this because it keeps us from losing interest. Someone who can make their own decisions makes and allows her partner to do so as well, which makes for a much more fulfilling relationship.

Lastly, an independent woman is strong and secure.

This is fairly obvious but men really do value this quality. Of course, there are men with different preferences. Some do like submissive women, they still want her to be secure in herself and in the relationship.

As I stated before, I can only speak from my own perspective as a heterosexual male but I hope some of these principles are useful. Whether you are meeting someone new or are in two-year relationship like myself, there is always something to be learned.


  1. Are they the type of women that really think they’re all that? But they’re Not at all unfortunately.

    • Totally agree. A lot of women claim to be independent but when it comes to guys – its all gone.

  2. Not really at all since most of them i would say really have the worst personality of them all and have absolutely no respect for us men at all because of their high paying salary job that many of them have these days which makes these type of women so very pathetic altogether as well. They don’t really know how to talk to us good men nowadays that are looking for a very serious relationship since they really think that they’re the greatest thing walking on the face of this earth and they really do brag so much too. Men like us that are real smart would never at all get involved with this type of a woman anyway since i have seen many marriages that have fallen apart over this already unfortunately which makes it very sad how these women have really changed since the good old days when most of the women back then really did put these women today to real shame altogether.

  3. “Strong Independent Woman” is code for a selfish, uptight bitch, who gets mad when you don’t let her male friends and fuck buddies ( not much of a difference ) come around.

    Sorry but I don’t put up with bullshit in a relationship. Only a cowardly cuck would.

  4. I don’t think your at all getting the point…. It’s how you see the word independent. Not all woman are selfish or self what have you not. Here’s how I see it. More times out of a thousand times I’m here to take on all the time load 4 kids 3 dogs 15 chichens. House hold functions. I have my hubby dreams and how I am daily. I’m independent for many things and reasons don’t throw this out of the water we all come to terms of how our childhood molded and shaped us. I never in a million years thought I would have the life I walk now but I’m sticking to me and not loosing myself ever again. The biggest thing if learned is asking for real help from my hubby it is still a huge challenge. Not only am I independent but I don’t burden other’s with my day to day. And I help keep his life moving even if it not the exact way he sees the cleaning or clothes put away I do my best.

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