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Living With Your Best Friend Can be a Mistake

November 22, 2010 Commentary, Opinions 5 Comments

Sharon Baek

The buzz and excitement that comes every year of deciding where to live and who to live with is part of the college experience. But the question of who to live with and if living with your best friend really is a good idea may cross many peoples’ minds.

What do you do when you have to decide between living with your best friend or an acquaintance? Well, you should draw upon other peoples’ experiences and their “been-there-done-that” advice.

I personally have never lived with my best friend and do not plan on doing so.  I have never experienced bad roommate incidents and have always kept my home in peaceful tranquility. Countless horror stories have outweighed the positive success stories by a landslide. I cannot recount how many times I have seen the best of two or more friends have a happy go-lucky relationship  until they start living together.

A victim of this situation, Jane*, describes her relationship with her current roommate and ex-best friend.

“Friends require much more attention than family,” she said. “Family you will always care about no matter what, but for friends, you have to care for their needs and their feelings 24/7.”

Despite the fact that neither of them changed fundamentally, Jane wasn’t prepared to spend all of her time with her former best friend and current roommate.

“She’s not any different before or after, nothing’s different,” Jane said. “It was just easier to hang out with her before because I had control and would regulate when I wanted to hang out. But after we’re living together, she’d have this expectation that we’d always hang out.”

Another fatal friendship casualty, Jennifer*, agreed.

“I never expected the cliché to come true, but unfortunately it has,” she said. “Living with my best friend of four years seemed ideal and an unquestionable thing to do during my first year in college.”

You may be surprised to find that hanging out with a person everyday is completely different than actually living with him or her. Since you have to see that person every day, you’ll eventually feel the desire to be anywhere but with your “best friend.”

“I’ve come to realize, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been best friends for five years, ten years, or two months. Problems are bound to happen,” Jennifer said. “When tensions start [to build], any minor behavior will become extremely distinguishable and trigger your resentment. That’s when you decide, ‘maybe, I didn’t know this person as well as I thought.’”

Call me a pessimist, but realistically speaking, the excitement of living with your favorite person in the world will soon wear off. In the end, you will come to realize that your favorite person is just a human being who comes with his or her own individual baggage. I definitely acknowledge the success stories and the possibility of living peacefully with your best friend, but you don’t find many of those situations compared to the numerous situations that have gone wrong.

Jennifer would have made a different roommate choice if she had known how different it would be to live with her best friend as opposed to just spend time with her.

“I would’ve kept my distance by not living with my best friend and instead, made it a habit to catch up with her once a week,” she said. “That way we not only have something to look forward to, but  we would preserve our friendship in a way that gives us more to talk about.”

As the month of housing situations are quickly approaching, this article is for anyone who is debating if you should or should not live with your best friend. Just keep this advice in mind: it’s better to take the safe road and keep your relationship with your best friend rather than risk it and lose it.

*names are changed due to privacy

Photo By: Rosana Liang

Currently there are "5 comments" on this Article:

  1. Stephanie says:

    maybe yall werent best friends to begin with. SERVED, 4 years later mothafucka

  2. aryan says:

    Hi i am facing the same situation right now. I thought i know this person so well( my bestfriend) and vice versa. I moved to this new country, her resident country and decided to live with her. I totally get you

    “Problems are bound to happen,” When tensions start [to build], any minor behavior will become extremely distinguishable and trigger your resentment.

    It annoys me how she keeps on pointing things i should do and shouldnt do.. to the simplest of chores n how to deal with people…..because im like this… sometimes i wonder does she really know me. As if she had legitimized herself to know me more than i know myself bec she is my bestfriend.

  3. aryan says:

    Shes my bestfriend for a decade btw.hows that. I suggest better live separately

    She isnt your husband.. you dont have a baby or anything that would make you commit and work on the same goals. For heaven sake she is your bestfriend. Bestfriends benfit from each other.its extremely mutualism. if this mutualism goes out on fire then thats it.. theres no greater responsibility to add fuel to it. no baby or family stuff to keep the ties knot

  4. well i think thats kinda rude and your ” best friend” shld stop liking you as you sound a total bitch and hoe tbh, me and my bestfriend live together and i havent murdered her yet therefore stop putting ppl off the idea as most people get along fine so stop being such an attention seeking whore tbh you pricky bitchy bastard!

  5. Kylie says:

    I am currently going 9 months with my best friend that I’ve had since I was in 5th grade. Let’s just say, it was a terrible idea. We have constantly argued from the 3rd month of living with each other. At first the fights are funny and end up forgiving each other after an hour. But that causes a lot of bottling up with issues because obviously you don’t want to fight with your best friend. Then all the sudden 6 months later, everything she does and you do agrivates each other in every way possible. Pick started hearing important things that are going on in her life from other mutual friends, like she’s not telling me herself. And I find my self doing that vice versa. We have become very distant and unfortunately we don’t have the qualities that best friends normally would anymore.. It’s depressing and hopefully things will change. But I don’t advise anyone to go down the path that I had gone down with my best friend.

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