Linda Chong
Copy Editor
POV: You’re laying on your bed at 4 p.m. after attending two lectures and now proceed to watch Netflix, only to occasionally get up and eat because the stomach grumbles make it hard to hear the new season of “Terrace House.” We’re all struggling to keep up with recorded lectures and extended deadlines as people are clearly drowning in either COVID-19 panic or their addiction to “Animal Crossing.”
Of course there are also good things that come out of quarantine like whipped coffee or short-haired hotties. I’d say it’s all about the balance that is achieved through the characters that we’ve adopted in our isolated states. Here are the several apocalypse archetypes that you know someone embodies or you may have become yourself.
🎤🎤🎶🎶🎼🎼🎼TikTok TOO MUCH🎼🎼🎼🎶🎶🎤🎤
There’s no judgement here — TikTok is the window to the soul of Generation Z. As you spend a minimum of three hours watching others make POVs or sing different versions of Megan Stallion’s “Savage,” you fall behind on schoolwork and contemplate whether you should cut or dye your hair.
The mugshot trend is something you’re thinking of attempting tomorrow, and working out is always on your agenda — you just never get to it. So what if your bangs look disgusting? At least your skin will get clearer and no one will see you any time soon, right?
🙅Paranoid Plebeian🙅♀️
In the midst of this pandemic, how will you survive without the right precautions?! You internally scream at how many people are still outside, and you enter Costco ready to take on six packs of toilet paper and all of the canned goods section. How could you not when the government has issued a lockdown in your own house?!
You don’t let your family leave the house without a mask, and of course you need instant updates on COVID-19. The world is ending and there’s only one way to protect yourself: washing your hands and spreading the panic!
🥧🧁🍦🍫🍿🍩🌰Quarantine-15🧃🥤🍷🥃🥡🍬🍮🥟
You wonder how many times you’ve eaten as you glance at your 3 p.m. snack. Classes and tasks have only been distractions to the real reason why you woke up this morning — to eat. Scanning your snack stash and contemplating when your next meal is something you do every hour, and your daily schedule revolves around your nutrition. “Hey, it’s normal to eat a snack in between your meals,” you tell yourself as you close the microwave door for another Hot Pocket. Some daily thoughts you might have are, “Should I weigh myself?” and “What time is it?”
YOLO🤘🤟 but make it COVID-19‼️
As part of a small minority, you’re probably the rare case that enjoys the gasps that proceed your usual snarky commentary. You’ve made jokes about how COVID-19 isn’t “that serious” and how we’ll be back in our regular rhythm by May. Why even bother listening to precautions, summer is around the corner!
You need to stock up on those Natty Lights! Your daily life is still the same because obviously rules are for losers. You still take your morning walk, meet your buddies at 2 p.m., and see what’s still open for dinner. Quarantine? Not for me!
A Bean in Bed💤💤
With roots tightly embedded into a plush twin XL bed, the bean lives a stationary life. The bean attends lectures on time, watches “Tiger King” and plays “Tetris” simultaneously, and is nourished with shrimp chips all in the same bed. It has no other business outside of its nest and prefers not to move. The bean doesn’t knows if it’s 3 p.m. or 3 a.m., nor does it care about something as trivial as time. Although the naked eye might never see the bean move, in rare cases, it does in order to eat a meal of the day or release toxic waste and vibes. Overall, the bean is happy.