Hello there UCSB, my name is Lynnea Dally and I will be your Sex Columnist this year. I’ve taken the classes Sex and Relationships, Human Sexuality, Honors Human Sexuality, and now I grade tests for Soc. 152A: Human Sexuality. I’ve been a Health Advocate Chair and a Safer Sex Peer. For the past two years I’ve been writing articles and answering questions for SexInfoOnline.com. I just wanted to introduce myself before launching right into my first column. It’s always a good idea to know who your information and opinions are coming from.

Today’s definition of a virgin is so hard to pin down that we’re lucky the gods stopped demanding them as sacrifices. There are so many aspects to a person’s virginity that this previously rigid definition is becoming an almost arbitrary title. Keep in mind that the practicality of virginity as a contraceptive or disease-control method has become outdated with modern science and a little common sense. I personally believe that the notion of “virginity” will eventually become laughably antiquated.

The concept of chastity being important and honorable was originally invented as a way to ensure proper bloodlines and childcare for wealthy couples. Although ancient Christianity had already valued self-deprivation as virtuous, when the Catholic Church imposed a vow of abstinence for its clergy (a clever method for not losing church property to inheritance) sex became a more threatening sin.

Furthermore, abstinence was nearly the only birth control option for ancient societies, as contraceptives and abortifacients were not very effective for the majority of history. Grisly as it was, infanticide was the only other effective method to prevent unwanted children. (Ever notice how some fairy tale characters like Peter Pan’s Lost Boys and Hansel and Gretel depict children surviving wild adventures after being abandoned by their parents? These stories helped ease the guilt). Keeping a woman from having sex was the most effective and humane way of preventing unwanted children.

Today however, maintaining purity has ceased to be necessary thanks to the miracle of science. Science has been working hard to give you pills, condoms, shots, implantable devices, and medical procedures to help ensure that all your children are wanted children. Science also has ways to treat many infections you might pick up along the way. Science has also STD tests to signal when abstinence would be actually necessary and prudent: to prevent the transmission of incurable diseases like HIV or herpes.

First-time sex is often glorified as an epiphanic sexual experience. But really, losing your virginity is a bit like celebrating your birthday. Admittedly, going through the 24 hours of the actual day does not magically grant you extra wisdom… but you are wiser than you were a year ago. The change did not happen overnight, but was a continuous process that happened over the course of the year and will continue happening after the birthday milestone has passed.

And that is what happens with virginity (however you’ve defined it). Abilities to give or receive massive amounts of pleasure from intercourse do not magically appear after one sexual encounter. Sex is just like any other skill; to become proficient – and fully enjoy it – your techniques needs to be studied, practiced and adjusted. Having sex (of your preferred style) for the first time is merely one of many ways to express and expand your sexuality.

Keeping all this in mind, in our society what constitutes the maintenance – or loss – of virginity? The definition has become so loose that it depends more on the individual than a standard definition. Here are some questions to consider before you view virginity in the traditional definition: putting a penis into a vagina.

Do gay men who only have anal (or oral, or oral-anal) sex but not penis-vagina sex never lose their virginity? What about lesbians who have oral but never use a strap-on? How about heterosexuals who only use toys to penetrate each other instead of a penis? What if they used every kind of prop like whips, chains, vibrators and costumes but chose to forgo penetration? What if the penis entered just a little and only for a second? How about if nobody orgasmed? If only one orgasmed? If they didn’t enjoy it? (As an aside, most girls don’t enjoy their first time.)

How about if it was with a prostitute, in another country, instead of a significant other? What if it was just acting for a movie or porn? What if they don’t remember it? What if one person hadn’t given consent and was raped? How about born-again virgins? Or re-born-again virgins? What about individuals who have changed genders but have only had sex as their previous identity? The list can go on and on.

Why do we as a society still treasure keeping an obsolete title when we can’t even clearly define what it is? Well, purity has been imbued with importance so long that it’s just a difficult value to dismiss. It’s such a big issue to some people that SexInfoOnline.com receives at least one virginity-related question a week.

The majority of virginity questions we get pertain to the hymen: a thin membrane covering the vagina that stretches in certain situations. While some judge the shape of the hymen as an indicator of virginity, few people know that women are born with different shaped hymens. Also knowing that this medieval membrane can be stretched by normal activities horseback riding or the splits, the hymen becomes a less-than-perfect indication of virginity. To me, it seems strange that this archaic “transformation” would be granted so much importance.

The whole concept of “virginity” is something that should follow the way of the dowry and the hope chest: extinction. Now, I’m not advocating engaging in sex or going out and having lots of random hookups. To the contrary, I believe that having sex (of any kind) is like all other form of intimate expression: it should only happen when you’re really ready and not before.

I wouldn’t kiss someone if I wasn’t into them, I wouldn’t fellate someone I didn’t feel connected to and likewise I wouldn’t have sex with someone if I didn’t feel emotionally and physically ready, and I’m definitely not going give an outdated title importance that I don’t believe it deserves.